What's Going On!

         After reading some disturbing news I went to our 10^th floor office window that looks down on Downtown Brooklyn and couldn’t help myself as I screamed out in the air, “What’s Going On!’ It wasn’t a sing-a-long to Marvin Gaye’s signature song rather it was a frustrating cry of attention to the brotha’s who were passing down below. An honest guttural reaction that came from a person who just read how black men like me continue to be the face of HIV/AIDS and wondering after 30+ years why are African American males so heavily impacted. And as this news is brought forth where are the other voices screaming out. Why is there such a deafening response of no response?

            The report I’m referencing was just released at the beginning of the International AIDS Conference being held in Washington D.C. The report released by the Black AIDS Institute titled, “Back of the Line: The State of AIDS Among Black Gay Men in America," paints a vivid picture of the growing epidemic in the black communities. According to the report in some cities one in two black men who have sex with men are HIV positive. The report goes on to state that looking at the entire United States, one in four new infections occur among black men. Would it be to over dramatic of me to compare reading this to reading a horror book by Stephen King?

            Kidding aside what we have is another wake up call that when it comes to HIV prevention, black men are not hearing the alarm. To quote the movie, there is really a failure to communicate but unfortunately that miscommunication is resulting in a disease slowly ingraining itself like a deep rooted weed into communities of color and what’s worse is that the weed is left to grow unattended.

            Perhaps one of the reasons for the continued rise is that there’s an acceptance that black men are always the ones infected, a growing complacent that is sweeping the cities and rural areas of this country. I say this as there’s no press release from elected officials concerning the report. No major media outlet has it as a breaking news story ticker –taping its way across the screen. There’s no “We Are the World” moment of celebrities bringing awareness as those moments are saved for those outside the borders of the United States. A realization that it’s expected. What’s going on!

            Rather than repeat the information that the report provides, in summary it states that African-American men are increasing their rate of infection. A question can be asked why it takes places like Africa to have similar numbers for people to take action. A bigger question may be why is such a report with huge disparities simply accepted and why no call to arms not just from the black community but all communities. Is this a Kayne West moment where he made his infamous statement during the New Orleans Hurricane tragedy claiming that ‘George Bush doesn’t like black people’ only now replaced with new language claiming that ‘America doesn’t like black people’ or if I can get more deep and make the bold statement, ‘Black people don’t like black people’?  Are we as a country hiding out in a Superdome ignorant to the fat that the roof is blowing off over our heads? Or has the waters of HIV become so deep we feel there’s way to save them all.

            Have we just given up on gay black men? In the tone of Mrs. Romney, have we told ourselves we created all the HIV posters for you people, supplied you with all the Magnums condoms, and provided all the incentives for you to get tested? Feeling no other efforts is deemed necessary, as we tell ourselves that it doesn’t involve me.

            Have gay black men given up on themselves? Telling ourselves it’s not a matter of if but a matter of when so why let HIV prevention messages soak into our consciousness? Have we truly lost value in ourselves and each other that we don’t wrap before we strap? Or do we have ears plugged with the sounds of poverty, racism and stigma to not hear the message that our lives matter or maybe that’s the problem. We’re tired of hearing the message. We want to pretend it’s a song for someone else.

           

            Has the deafness of this tragedy afflicted the gay community in general as there’s no room to discuss HIV in the black community as the agenda has switched to one of gay marriage. HIV becoming an afterthought that no longer requires us to chain ourselves to government doors demanding they do something about this? Has the deafness prevented the black community to storm the doors of local state and city funded HIV agencies and ask what is being done with our monies that fund HIV prevention programs and why are we not starting to ask for refunds on a product that is no longer working or at the very least question why it’s not working?  

            I know I’ve been asking a lot of questions and not giving many answers, or rather not joining the chorus of intellects who have the answer but can’t apply the solution but let me just extract one remaining thinking point. Can the absence of reaction be a rationale as why HIV doesn’t make a difference when it affects gay black men? If the silence is an indicator it may not be an excuse or provide the reason but it may give us all a second thought that in the struggle for equality and gay marriage we should leave room on the plate for something that’s not going away soon. We’re all affected and infected when it comes to HIV and the growing rise amongst African-American men.

We need to all yell out the window and ask, ‘What’s Going On’ and make sure that the question doesn't fall on deaf ears.
To see the original report click on the link below and a PDF will open

PDF of the State of AIDS Among Black Gay Men in America 

5 Things I’ve Learned About Having HIV

As I reflect back on the diagnosis of my disease I can honestly say it has changed me and my perception of life. I may sound like a broken record as I harp on when I first learned my status 25 years ago, but back then it was a different disease. Back then there was no certainty of how long you would be on this earth. The stigma was much more pronounced as people rallied to stop kids with HIV from going to certain schools or swimming in public pools while family members feared the toilet would get them infected from a positive family member. Yes it was a different time.

            But after all those years I have learned much. I learned not only about the disease but my ability to look at the positive aspects of it and enjoy a wonderful life. It was lessons I wish I knew but now that I know I would like to share with others. I call this the 5 Things I’ve Learned About Having HIV

1. It’s Not a Death Sentence

                  When I was first told my news I thought for sure I had only five years left to wrap up all affairs as I felt I was soon to be leaving the earth. I used Dick Clark New Year Eve’s celebration as my countdown. I just knew each drop of the ball was going to be my last. But a funny thing happened on the way to the forum as I got to experience more New Year ball drops and the death sentence I gave myself was no longer there. I realized that HIV doesn’t mean death. Of course it’s not the easiest road to navigate but what is life without challenges. Along with adopting a healthy lifestyle which included diet, exercise and treating my body like a temple and not allowing negative substances such as drugs, food and people, invade it, I was on my way to living a blessed life. And after 25 years I am not a long term survivor but in a long term position to live the best life one can.

 

2. It’s Okay to Cry

                  I didn’t cry when I heard my news. Not that I was trying to be macho but I just didn’t want to give the disease the luxury of breaking me. Tears that should have fell, I kept them behind a wall and my smile was the outside gate that gave one the impression that life was good. I don’t know when I had my first cry, but I know that all it took was one hole from life to poke that wall and the dam burst open. The wonderful thing was that instead of feeling like I was lost, I instead felt freer. It was like my tears were a monsoon that rained down on me and washed away all my pain. At that point I gave myself permission to cry. Having any type of disease is something we’re not used to and if we cry, we have every right. Even now I give myself permission as I’ve earned those tears, but I’m careful to not stand too long in the flood. Crying is not a sign of weakness but can be a cleansing of the soul that makes room for good things. It’s okay to cry.

 

3. We Are All Stigmatized

                  When I make this statement I don’t mean to say that we should accept stigma. I say it in hopes that others don’t let stigma be a barrier to their happiness. I know from my own experiences how people can be ignorant and show it either by their actions or the words they choose. I learned that if I let people’s words direct my life I would be on a path of their choosing instead of mine. I learned that you will be stigmatized because of HIV. But you’ll also be stigmatized for your gender. You’ll be stigmatized for your age, your race, your height, hell even for the clothes you choose to wear that day. People just love to stigmatize as most have to put a label on you or find a way to place you in a box to understand you. And most of us fear what we don’t understand which results in stigma. As my mama would say, “Do You”. Live the life you want to live.

4. You’ll Actually Be More Healthy Than Others

                  This has a caveat but people with HIV can be healthier than those negative. That’s only if you maintain a consistent visit with your primary HIV doctor. A benefit of regular visits is that along with managing your HIV other health factors are examined. Often you find yourself being proactive rather than reactive. For myself I learned about certain ailments that were not connected to my status based on my doctor visit. One of the situations was when I learned my Vitamin D levels were extremely low. A low Vitamin D afflicts many African Americans and is one of the reasons behind heart disease and diabetes. And again you don’t need to be positive, but you do place yourself in a more healthy position by addressing it sooner than later, something many negative people don’t do.

5. Someone Will Love You

                  One of the hardest things about learning your status is feeling that no one will ever love you. I felt that way once when I was told the news. I thought I was going to always be alone. Scanning personal ads you would see people looking for attributes they preferred along with things they didn’t want- ‘no fems, no fats, no +’.  

Makes you feel like a leper. But love is an amazing thing because it comes when you least expect it and the greatest love is the one you give yourself. That love radiates and makes others want to love you. Living a bitter life only attracts rotten apples and bad intentions. By giving myself the gift of love I have found a great soul mate and despite my circumstances as a negative person he accepts me flaws and all. But I learned that I also had to accept my own self. And 13 years still going strong.

I know there are many more lessons for me to learn but these were the top five. Maybe after reading these, others can share what they have learned. I know for myself I learned my lessons from those around me and it has all added up to make me a better person. Happy New Year!

Lessons Learned Starting a Pride Committee

               As we exit the month of June and the celebrations of Pride month, many organizations are already in the planning stage for 2013. Along with the established groups and with the winds of tolerance slowly shifting to acceptance to the LGBT community, there are some organizations that may be coming to the table for the first time to give birth to Pride events being celebrated in their area.  Being one of those who sat at a table to make Pride happen I learned several lessons and of what to do and not to do. I want to share my personal experience and reflect of what I call the rise and fall of my gay black Pride.   
              I was fortunate enough to be a founding member of a group of like minded people who wanted to start a gay black pride committee in Minnesota. At the time there was already a collective of people who had started a pride organization called the Minnesota Gay Black Pride. This organization was responsible for organizing black pride events for the Twin Cities area. As a person not part of the organization I was one of the initial groups of people who felt that the organization could be doing more. There were others in the community who shared the same feeling and felt that there were things that should have been done differently.
            In other words we were the back seat passengers who yelled out directions but didn't want to help steer. Opinions differed on what the focused of Pride should be especially when it came to gay black issues. Some felt that there should be a focal point on the rising rates of HIV/AIDS and other health disparities plaguing our community. While others felt that we simply needed to celebrate as we were becoming sore from getting hit over the head with messages of how we should wear a condom.
           Pressure was placed on the Minnesota Gay Black Pride to address these issues and provide something that everyone could enjoy. Yet doubt existed if the organization could make something successful happen as not only were their expertise questioned but also there were rumblings that monies granted to the group to stage Pride events were being misappropriated. With the building mistrust, I along with a similar thinking group of individuals started Soul Essence, a gay black Pride planning committee that would focus on health issues combine with showcasing the arts in an African Diaspora way.
         The Minnesota Gay Black Pride wanted to collaborate for the benefit of the community as they felt it would only makes us stronger but because we were set in our ways we didn't see the bigger picture. Maybe if we had we would have seen all the signs and learned the lessons that the Minnesota Gay Black Pride had experienced but as my mother used to say, "You make your bed, you lay in it". Despite our initial first and second year success, we soon followed the same road map that lead to the same demise of the Minnesota Gay Black Pride. From that experience these were the lessons I learned and hopefully it can help other grassroots pride committees, no matter what race, as they plan for next year. Lessons learned were the following:

It's Always About the Personalities   
At Soul Essence we had a good group but like any other there were some disagreements over something that was usually petty. It eventually got to a point where we couldn't work with certain people as we focused on personalities and not performance. Organizations can be easily divided by very simple but deeply divisive things.  Sometimes it's as simple as personalities clashing, someone feeling disrespected, such as being called a name or some other word that makes you puff out your chest or bare your claws. Or maybe during a night at the club some member talked 'shade' about another and it got back to him/her. Rather than respond like responsible adults and work out the situation, most times people are so offended  that they decide to create their own Pride organization, usually pulling members from the other group. The loser in these situations is usually the community because they have to decide which group to align themselves with.  And instead of something being stronger, we are overall weaker because of this division. Ironically, pride gets in the way of Pride.

We Don't Need No Stinking Business Plan
     What's great about grassroots efforts is that they literally start out of nothing.  They usually have very little (if any) money but plenty of passion to fuel them. This is how successful organizations start. The passion and mission is clear and the dedication to make it successful is so strong that you can get a great group of people with various skills willing to make it happen for free. That's great but in the end you are still operating a business. And like any other business you need people who have some knowledge of how to make a business successful and the tools to make it succeed. You have to also find the strengths and weaknesses of each person and place them in roles that will benefit the group. So, if a person is great at grant writing, it makes no sense to have them as the secretary taking notes at each meeting. Playing to strengths will not only benefit the organization but it will make people who are volunteering feel like they are meaningfully contributing to the mission.

Get Those Volunteers
     For me this is one of the greatest things I wished we would have done ourselves. Along with the consistent members of the group, for small events you need outside folks who can help out. Even if it's just for that one event it lessens the burden and frustrations of an already stretched thin committee. It also helps to alleviate some of the frustration felt by some members when it comes to the actual event.  Oftentimes people can feel like they are always doing way more than others in the group. This is especially frustrating when you have a full-time job outside of your volunteer time at a Pride group. From the beginning, start reaching out to people to get them to volunteer. A big key to having a successful volunteer program is always making sure they feel happy and heard. When someone offers to volunteer, respond right away!  Not when you feel like getting back to them which could be a couple of weeks. By then that person may no longer be interested or feel you don't need their services.

Don't Sleep Where You Work
     In our organization we had partners or lovers who served on the same group. Several times there were cases when the partners would be having problems in their personal relationship.  This would result in the tension being transferred to the group and putting everyone in the middle of a lovers' quarrel.  Instead of planning events you're putting out fires or handing out Kleenex. Not to say there shouldn't be partners sitting across from each other to help plan Pride but recognize that conflicts may arise and that couples should agree to keep the home issues at home.  And if you really want to see sparks fly, have board chair directly supervise their loved one. I guarantee there will be fireworks or feelings of favoritism from others.

And the number one thing that will destroy your efforts-

Money
     There's a saying that if you really want to wipe out a grassroots effort. Give them money. Don't get me wrong as money will help move forward your mission but just know that with the rewards also comes some disadvantages.  It's amazing how the dynamics will change as people who were volunteering their time will now put a worth on their contribution and expect to be paid that amount. And it will never be the same amount of other people giving their time. Also, don't put someone in charge of the money who can't manage their own personal finances. In other words, if they can't pay their own bills, how do you expect them to pay someone else? Complete transparency is needed to lessen any accusations of mismanaging funds
Sadly the one thing we accused the Minnesota Black Gay Pride of doing, abusing donations, was also the same thing that Soul Essence was accused of which lead to its demise. 

       Finally, with all of this I'm not trying to say don't put together a pride committee. In fact, we need Pride celebrations more than ever.  Especially in cities that are underrepresented and have never had a Pride event. My true objective is to help others not make the same mistakes we did. And while my experience in this was with an organization focused on the LGBT black population, this can happen to any new start-up. Nothing comes easy but if I had known what I knew before we started Soul Essence, maybe things would have been different and we would have celebrated pride in 2012 and now be planning for 2013.

     If you've helped start a Pride event/committee, please let me know if you think there are things I've missed or (even missed the mark on).  Your comments will help not only me but someone looking ahead for Pride in 2013!