Harlem Pride

Harlem Pride

With the recent overturn of DOMA and Proposition 8 Americans especially the LGBT community has a lot to celebrate. The extra bonus is that this is Pride weekend and for those in Harlem they don’t have to go far to celebrate as Harlem Pride is this weekend, June 28^th-30^th at venues around the city and Harlem. From a launch party to a festive gathering there are many choices to choose from and it’s in many backyards.

Being a Harlemite I can say there used to be a time when you wanted to show your gay pride you had to travel to other boroughs or make a trip downtown. Started in 2010 Harlem Pride has filled a need that was sorely lacking uptown.  The fact that over 3,000 people attended events thrown by the group shows the need and the achievement of the group as well as showing the growing community of the LGBT community in Harlem. I know for myself I have seen the changes in the last few years. It used to be that Harlem was never like Chelsea where you saw openly LGBT express themselves. In Harlem at the time it was a silent code where your Gaydar worked overtime for find others like you. Honestly for me I felt that it was still a stigma to be gay and not full accepted in the community I called home.

Now there has been a shift and a wave of acceptance has followed and Harlem Pride continues to be a reflection of that change. The great thing about Harlem Pride is that it’s not for just one community. In other words it’s not just for blacks, Latinos, gay or those who reside in the Harlem zip codes, it’s for everyone. This is seen by the crowds who have attended, and like the diverse place of Harlem you also witness it at their big gathering. And no knock to the huge Pride that happens downtown but Harlem Pride is ideal for families as it’s held in a spacious park, Jackie Robinson Park, which has additional facilities for families to enjoy.

I went last year and loved seeing the reflection of the colorful rainbow. Like other Prides there’s health booths and agency/business information but what’s different is the energy. Okay I’ll say it, it has flayva! As I walked around last year you couldn’t help to be drawn in by the music and the rhythm of the day.  But Harlem Pride is not just for one day as according to their 2013 schedule they kick off events at the Aloft Harlem, the newest hotel to land in Harlem. This is a VIP Launch Party with special guest performers and local celebrities in attendance.  For those who may have plans for the weekend and unable to attend the Saturday event in the park this can be a great alternative.  Tickets for the VIP launch party are $50 dollars and include food and drinks plus you can’t beat the fact they will have an auction, free give ways and a raffle!  The Pride celebration in the park is free for all to attend.

But I know I’m sounding like a walking billboard and need to explain the reason for my excitement. In past Pride celebrations, people of color have sometimes been an afterthought and often not fully included in the planning process or the day itself. It was like we were welcomed to hang out on the fringe but not welcomed to eat at the big table. This was the reason many Black prides were created to bring about that visibility. Yet one can look at those organizations and although understand the need for a separate entity, it still creates segregation in the community.  So knowing that, Harlem Pride takes into account the histories of Pride and creates a unified event for all which is a great thing.

My second reason for wishing them success is that I once was on the organizing committee for a black pride event in Minnesota called Soul Essence. I can tell you that it’s hard work that people don’t fully recognize. It was great as we were successful in having events that were well attended and with no or low entry fee. We created a weekend of events with no funding and the only monies came from donations and our own pockets. The people in attendance had no idea what we had to endure to make the events happen. Behind the scenes we ran all over the city to get supplies, rushed to make press deadlines, scurried to collect funds to pay for permits all while trying to manage our full time job and our home lives.

 It’s this hard work that I’m sure the members of Harlem Pride can relate to. I’ll even go as far as to speak for them when I say that for us it was the passion of creating something for the community by the community, reflecting the community that drove us. We were lucky in that we didn’t have people to sit on our board simply to sit on our board and make decisions. Everyone involved from the board members to the volunteers rolled up their sleeve, reached in their pockets and did whatever they needed to do to make the Pride a success.  This energy is reflected as they hold events all through the year and not just in the month of June.

It takes community to make Pride happen and the celebrations this weekend are reflective of that. So please show your support and your Pride especially if you live in Harlem. For more information go to https://harlempride.org/.  Let’s come together and make music with our spirit as we celebrate recent victories in our ‘hood. So taking a new phrase, It’s not WeHa, it’s not SoHa, it’s Harlem Pride. See ya there!

Prescription Against Stigma

“When are you going to write about us”, a comment that was made to me recently and repeatedly from the pharmacy where I obtain my HIV medication. It was a good question as I’ve been receiving my prescriptions from them for a while and looking back over those years I realize the people at Sugerhill Pharmacy in Harlem has been more than pill dispensers but have been great allies to not only helping me with my health but also much needed assistance.  When thinking of who’s in you corner when it comes to your health, the top answer is often your doctor and the nurses that provide care. Your pharmacist may not rank as high but for others like me its right up there as being an invaluable part of my support system in my life living with HIV.

Initially when I needed a place to go for my medication I was reluctant to go to my current pharmacy. I felt there were two good reasons for me not to get my HIV prescription filled there. One was the fact that it was in my neighborhood. I was once in the mindset that all my service for my status would be done out of my neighborhood for fear someone I know would ask questions. The sad part about receiving services for your HIV is that because of the stigma associated with it, others like me at the time follow this practice. A great care center may be only blocks away but individuals may choose to travel miles away because of the stigma. The second reason for my hesitancy was that because the pharmacy was small and not part of a large chain, it would have more of a family feel and I believed that my health status wouldn't be welcomed in that particular family. In a way I preferred the cold dispensing of my medication from a huge chain that didn't care that there was a person behind that pill.

Looking back I remember the fear I had about handing over my prescription that had my doctor’s scribble for HIV medication. I think the feeling came from previous pharmacies I've been to where the pharmacist looks at the paper and then looks at you over his reading glasses. A look that says, “You’re one of them”. Even at that moment the person at the register has power as sometimes they’re not skilled in their tact as they state out loud how you’re supposed to take you medication or store it. So starting my new relationship with Sugerhill made me hope it wasn't going to be a bad experience.

I have to say Dave Khantses and his crew eased all my fears by informing me he knew my doctor and he has a great relationship with him based on others who medications he filled. It was a relief as you knew right away this was going to be a ‘safe’ place and one of understanding. You can say I was fortunate as since then he has help schooled me on options that were available to me as someone living with HIV. Dave was the one who informed me about ADAP (AIDS Drug Assistance Program). This came after having a casual discussion with him of how expensive it was, even with my co-pay, to purchase my prescriptions. Despite having health insurance, because of my regimen the co-pays of my medications were easily close to a hundred dollars a month. That’s excluding any other ailments that would require me to get a prescription such as antibiotics. I’m not alone is this aspect as I know of a friend who simply didn't get a prescription filled as he couldn’t afford all the co-pays. Luckily Dave helped me through the process as I never had a case manager and in the end it made it easier on my wallet.

I even thank the pharmacy for helping me find my current doctor. My regular doctor had decided to leave his position leaving me to find another care provider. Starting any relationship is difficult including finding a new doctor. It was a relief when Dave, again knowing many HIV doctors based on conversations with his customer, directed me to the one I’m currently with. This type of assistance is a long way from some of the previous bad experiences I have received from larger pharmacies, especially chains. Of course not all chain pharmacies are bad but in my experience I often felt like a number instead of the ‘family’.

I think the value of a good pharmacy can be underestimated.  I say this especially for those who are just starting a HIV regimen. The one thing a person doesn't want to do is not get their scripts filled based on perceived or real stigma. I think even for us long-termers it’s a good reminder that a great pharmacy can be a place for resources and referrals. And if you’re a person like me who doesn't need a case manager it helps. Pharmacists speak every day to doctors throughout the city and can get a good sense on the good ones versus those who don’t have the best follow through. Like the folks at Sugerhill they can also provide information on programs or assistance that your doctor may not even be aware. Of course I say this to not have your pharmacist replace your doctor but together they make a great team. Yet ironically it was the pharmacy that informed me I could switch to a single pill for one of my medication instead of taking two a day. For me it’s an understanding that doctors can be overwhelmed and those little pieces of information can slip by but it’s nice to have someone else informing me.

So thank you Dave, Helselenne and Jung for welcoming me into the family and helping me with my care. On many occasions you've went the extra mile and always did it with a smile. My two dogs even feel welcomed when I bring them in! It’s the simple things that make a positive impact and I just know for the newly diagnosed walking into your store for the first time with a prescription in their hand, they’re going to be well taken care of. But of course if they had asked me I would have told them they were in good hands. See you guys next month!

Black Shame and HIV

Black Shame and HIV

When I was diagnosed with HIV the one thing I wanted to do was to tell my ma. Growing up your ma is your rock and the one you call especially when something goes wrong. Instead of telling her my news I did the very opposite, I kept it from her as best as I could. In a weird way I would have had an easier time with telling her I was gay if I didn’t have a shame about being HIV. My shame was feeling like I disappointed her. That the son she thought would give her grandchildren would instead bring her embarrassment from family and friends and be the walking abomination they preach in church each week. Thinking I finally had the courage to tell her I would be stopped by the dialogue running in my head.  “That’s what you get for being gay” “This happens to people like you”. Others may be fortunate but whether it’s the family or some other relationship, it seems for many gay black men there exists an unspoken shame that may be one of the factors that contributes to the rise of HIV.

Unlike the shame other races feel in the LGBT community, black gay men face additional judgment that comes from cultural and societal establishments that already views us as lesser than. With the addition of HIV one can develop a feeling that says because of your disease, you’re now lesser than what you were before. Many believe that the DL or closeted lifestyle contributes to the rise in HIV rates but the argument can be stated that the struggle lies in the realization that, despite coming out as gay black men, many still faces other barriers that extend beyond their sexuality. For a black man to just identify as gay is difficult and a privilege not rewarded to us, unlike the white LGBT community. When a black man walks out the door the first thing that people see is skin color and react to that color whether good or bad. Race is an important topic that is also never fully discussed along with the ugly truth of racism, but the reality is that it’s effect can be a contributor to one’s acceptance and coming out. For me it was hard for me to initially identify as gay as I was still trying to figure out what it meant to be black. This is the same for a black man’s HIV status as now he has the other societal constructs which can make ones dealing with the disease difficult, but not impossible. Add a layering of shame in how they identify and this further hinders the healing process.

Yet there’s recognition that many gay black men don’t see their sexuality or race as a negative but as a shining example of what perfection looks like. Whether on their own or with the support of others they have learned to embrace their identity. Sadly there’s just as many who don’t have the same pride or instilled value system. This shame echoes within the community and affects young and old and remains unresolved as to admit or recognize shame is a flaw many don’t want to acknowledge. There’s a struggle in how to align their identity of being black, of being a man, being gay and having HIV. Shame hinders the process of finding one’s self and in the process coming to a place of embracing and acceptance.   

The biggest assignment of this shame comes from our own black community, both straight and gay. We receive messages early on that being gay is not acceptable. These messages are even transmitted in a not so subtle way, whether it’s the elderly person who sucks in her teeth and shakes their head, the black women who roll their eyes at the sight of you or the passing brotha who gives you a look that communicates their disgust, voicing loudly, “It’s a shame.” This repertoire is so constant that one tries to develop a thicker skin that sometimes cannot stem the bias from penetrating. Even in the moments when gay black men camouflage themselves in straight circles they can be witness to the black women’s disappointment on the lack of good black men and voicing disappointment that all the good black men are either in jail or gay.  The shame from black woman draws from their frustration of other straight black men who have abandoned their family responsibility, the disappearing fathers or the ones who have made empty promises as they’re taken away by the police. 

In a gay black man search for acceptance and by turning to the gay community there’s reminders that the LGBT community is not prone to show the ugly face of racism as awareness that invisible color lines exists and some can gain entry only by the straightness of their hair. This may make it easier for Asian and Latinos as they also don’t come with reminders of America’s past. Yet seeking refuge in the gay black community sometimes doesn’t offer complete protection as within the community itself are other hurting gay black men who walk with unresolved shame.  The popular phrase, ‘Hurt People, Hurt People’ resonates as gay black men may inflict the pain they’re feeling on fellow members.  As a result gay black men can sometimes be greeted with ‘shade’ as the very presence of another gay black male brings to life one’s own self-hate. The acts of unacceptable the straight community inflicted, are now recycled to be used against each other, from the shaking of the head, the cutting stares and rolling of eyes. This adopted shaming reaction happens unprovoked as the very prescience of another gay black man is seen not as a unifier but as a threat.

HIV further hinders relationship with other gay black men as the virus creates a caste system in that unfavorably viewed HIV negative  gay black men can now measure their increased worth over someone who’s black and HIV positive.  Sadly within this caste system exists a new level of judgment as one with HIV can use his undetectable status as a tool of worth over one who’s HIV status is not. Stigma of HIV covers all who are positive and leaves markings of low self-worth and our shame is further nailed in as some start to believe the unworthy title and place them in risky sex driven environments, despite the risk of re- infection.  

Addressing this shame can be one of the ways to finally make progress when it comes to HIV and gay black men.  It’s something that needs to be discussed in a brutal and honest fashion. Too many gay black men are walking around with shame underneath the service and not finding a place of healing from others and mostly themselves. In thinking about this unresolved issue that lays in the gay black community a line from Malcolm X is referenced.

"The greatest mistake of the movement has been trying to organize a sleeping people around specific goals. You have to wake the people up first, then you'll get action.”
― Malcolm X

When it comes to black shame among gay black men we have to wake up as this issue is holding us back. By addressing this we can join the others who have found self-acceptance of their race and health status. We can be among our community and know when someone gives us ‘shade’ that we don’t return it but recognize that it’s someone who’s hurting. And in that moment ask how I can help my fellow brother. As gay black men especially with HIV we must find a way to stop walking with our heads down and eyeing the limited ground but instead confronting that shame so that our heads are held high as we eye the unlimited possibilities of the sky.