So without further ado- My top 12 resolutions
1. I will forgive not only myself but others for any transgressions and will start over with a clean plate.
2. I will make my health a top priority which includes taking all meds on time, not missing a dosage. Going to all doctor appointments and be preventive instead of reactive. Most of all I will not consume unhealthy food on a consistent basis which means that I will eliminate junk foods, fast foods and other foods that contribute to an early death.
3. I will start muting the voices of the past and quit using the past as the reason why I'm not able to move forward. I recognize I only give it power when I won't let it stay buried
4. I will look in the mirror and accept all my flaws. I won't try to kill myself to get a six pack so you can 'like' me and at the same time have enough dignity to not display my nakedness on the web to be validated. I will love the body I'm in yet still work on it for my approval and no one else
5. I'm going to stop being friends with isolation and be open to meeting new people and new places. No more of waiting for someone to call and instead taking the initiative
6. On purpose this goal is in the center because it represents my resolution of letting God be the center of all my joys and to continue to strengthen my relationship with him and to stop asking him what I want and instead ask him, "how can I serve you"
7. I will take the limits off and remind myself I'm here for a reason despite my status I can do anything with determination, will and God.
8. I will dream once again in color
9. I will allow myself to cry. And in that crying have my tears transform me to feel renewed and having a purpose.
10. I will let myself love and only let in those who show me the same love. I won't stay stuck in a place where the showing and giving of love is a one way street or attempting to convince someone of the love I possess. If they can't accept the gift then I'll share it with someone who's open to receive it and whether its family or friends, make them aware that my love is here but I'm not going to spend my life trying to make you see how beautiful it looks.
11. I'm going to remove myself from people who want to kill my dreams. People who are emotional vampires who suck the joy out of my existence and leave me empty.
12. I'm going to keep asking myself, "If not now, when?" And realize that I'm here for a reason. I have HIV for a reason. I am black for a reason. I have a voice for a reason and in spite of my condition I will not be a walking dead and instead live my life as if it's my last. I'm going to wake up from my dreams and start making them happen and never tell myself, it's too late! I can’t stay where I was!
So in the next 365 days and beyond I'll keep my arms stretched up to what I'm supposed to be.
That is my resolution.