Dear Dad or Father or the person who donated his sperm,
I'm writing to say that I wished I had a chance to meet you
as I've always wondered about the other half of me. I'm sorry i missed out on
the memories we would have had I'm being positive when I say that they would
have been good ones. As a child when I saw men shoes I wondered how you would
look walking in them. Maybe me with you walking hand in hand.
I want you to know that I turned out okay despite your
absence. Ma had to take up the space you left behind and it wasn't always
perfect but she did the best that she could with what she had. I've done a lot
of good myself since I've been on my own. I think you would have been proud of
me.
I wished i knew your name. I've asked ma but she gives me a
different name each time I ask. maybe something happened between you both. But
it's not my place to ask.
I do look in the mirror and wonder if we look the same. As
you can tell I have a shaved head as my hair started to recede when I was
young. Did the same thing happened to you? But people say it looks good on me
so I guess it's cool.
I hope you know I'm not mad at you or at least I'm not mad
at you anymore. To do so would take up space that is reserved for love and at
this point in my life love is all I want to share. When I was young. I would hear jokes about
black fathers having babies and leaving and I knew it was true because it
happened to me. I guess raising a child is scary or there were other reasons
you left. The saddest I felt is whether you knew it or not my other siblings
had a different father. Fathers that they could call or go visit. I was the
only one who couldn't do that. I remember as a child they gathered around me
and started to tell me how i didn't have a father. It hurt but I didn't let
them see. I cried when they went away. So I guess that was one of the times i
was mad you weren’t there.
But I'll have you to now that I've grown stronger since then
and the tears have stopped falling. Why do black men leave? It's a question
I've asked myself as I'm not the only one who has grown up without a father.
But I want you to know that I’ve climbed some mountains I thought
were too high to climb. I got my advanced degree and have a great opportunity to
put my words in places for others to see.
I want to even go as far as to say I made a difference. I may have stopped looking for you but I
haven’t stop looking for the good in me that I can give to others.
Whatever your reason for leaving just know that if I have a
child I'll always be there and I'll always show him love. I didn't say that to
make you feel guilty but to let you know I learned something from your absence.
Sorry for the typo's but i just wanted to write something
from my heart and like life realize not everything is perfect. But thank you
for bringing me into this world and the gift of life you gave me I'm going to
give it to others whether through my words actions or my essence.
So think of me and when you do feel I hope you feel proud
knowing the part of you that you gave to make me has sprouted up and stands
tall as a strong black man.
Well ending my letter but not my love
Your son
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